April-May-June-July.
4 months have already gone by, and August is coming to an end. Still, no job. What is it? Is it me? Am I too picky? Or maybe I’m just not that good as I thought I was. Why, the people who had 1- or even 3-month vacations even got a job faster than I. This is so frustrating. I’ve had dozens of interviews from dozens of companies. I’ve had the opportunities. I’ve been given the chances. I’d like to believe that I did my best in my interviews and exams. Am I not right for a good, satisfying career? Don’t I deserve to get what I want? Now I’m just sad. Really, really sad. I thought that my education would be enough. Crazy. Stupid even. Now, I’m fatter and I don’t even know my English that well anymore. This is really sad. I just wanna go back to school. Lord, please help me.
Now I’m really feeling the pressure. The little checklist that I had before…I accidentally erased it from my phone. Good thing. If I still had it, I’d be frustrated even more. I can’t take this any longer. I need a job. I’ll take anything that pays good. I’m desperate.
Another thing, at this point in my life, I’ve never felt so alone. There’s no one I can talk to. The group that I usually hang out with, well, let’s just say I can’t afford to hang with them anymore. That group’s composed of my friends who have high-paying or at least decent-paying jobs and those who have an endless supply of money. I’m sick and tired of “pretending,” so-to-speak. Plus, my birthday’s coming up. I really didn’t want to celebrate anymore because of the fact that I still don’t have a freaking job. Is it peer pressure? Yeah I guess so. What if I lied to them? Told them that my family planned something for me…nah, it won’t work. It can if I stick to it. Damn it. I’m living a double life. Triple. Quadruple even. I can’t stand this. I think I need to see a life coach. Or a therapist. Someone that can help me.
Back to my endless search for a decent job. I think I valued myself too much. Was I that arrogant that no one would hire me? Am I that kind of a person? Of an Atenean? I don’t think so. I’d like to think I walked out of the Ateneo with the proper values and skills. But why wouldn’t any company give me a chance? I don’t wanna think about this anymore. Maybe this is just a real case of bad luck. I mean, in all of my interviews, well, almost all, they were fun, and I think good even. My resume, as most of my interviewers shared, was very impressive. There should be no reason for my lingering unemployment. I hate it. I really do. If this is all just a matter of luck, fate’s punishing me for something. For not being honest with myself. I think I do need therapy.
