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Is This Where I Wanna Go?

From deviantart

Just started my deviantart account. Add me up guys!!

anyway, got interested in photography. a lot. is this really what i want? it's lucrative. it's expensive. but it's something i really really like. i have fun when i hold my camera...even if it is just a humble point-and-shoot. i wanna buy a dslr OR a holga but it's too much for me...especially the processing fee of films. =(( alas, i might have to forego my dream of new cameras and stick to what i have. such is life.

second week of classes of senior year. and i haven't had a good sleep until the first day. boo. what's gonna happen to me mid-sem? WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO ME WHEN HELL MONTH COMES?!? f*ck. f*ck. f*ck. im scared. im really really scared. i dont wanna sacrifice my studies for my extra-curriculars but i really want all of those things...waahhh dunno what to do!!!

Profundity? Or Boredom?

i feel sad.
i feel alone.
i feel like no one knows me.

alone, i sit here.
watching insects go by,
listening to people talk,
will i ever be....

i feel neglected
im supposed to be in a relationship.
what is it?
a blank. a blank world.
an empty feeling
enveloping me.

the crisp night breeze
with its sudden coldness
leaves me longing.
for love.

Philo Paper - Who Is My Concrete Ideal?

Socrates is Plato’s ideal concretized, informally, his “idol”. As an ideal concretized, Socrates represents the good human being that Plato aspires to become, that he argues how we should act. As what was said in the discussions, Socrates is Plato’s window to the realm of ideas from the sensible world where he is in. Through Socrates, Plato sees the kind of person he should become, to better understand what he is good for. In this school of thought, I can thus understand what I am good for not through a mere abstract idea of what a good human being or more specifically, what a good student should be, but through a concretized ideal – someone who embodies and lives out the ideas of what I think is a good person. I see this ideal concretized in my sister – an Atenean herself. I know that the idea of Perseverance, Determination, Passion, and Love, ideas which I consider to be characteristics of a good human being are embodied in her.

The concrete ideal or ideal concretized is the embodiment and the representation of an abstraction, an Idea. I consider my concrete ideal “ideal” because I have an idea, a form of a good person, a good student, a good son/daughter, etc. and what a person should become because of those ideas. Also, the concrete ideal is ideal because of the paradigm that I have. This paradigm is the idea of a good person – a sort of framework that contains more ideas of the characteristics of a good person. My concrete ideal fits into my paradigm, although not without flaws. She is determined – fights for what she believes in, persevering – holds on to her principles, passionate, and loving. These particularities of the idea of a good person may seem cliquish and usual, but I have experienced her and I believe that these particularities are far deeper than she herself even thinks so.

Moreover, although the idea (Perseverance, Determination, Passion, and Love) can never be fully embodied in the ideal concretized, because I know her, because I have experienced her, she still brings shame upon me. We do have our differences and similarities and I may be better in some aspects than she but still. Looking at her, I feel ashamed because I know that I am not like her. However, at the same time, because I am not like her and because I am shamed in her presence, I now know what I ought to be. I can see it clearly with my own eyes. What I ought to be is standing in front of me, telling me to take a bath, asking me what I’m going to do after graduation, and treating me to lunch whenever I come to visit her.

I know what I ought to be, I have an idea of it. Now, I see what I ought to be because of my concretized ideal. She reveals to me what I should be in order to be who I have an idea I ought to be.

What then is the significance of a concrete ideal for a moral world?

According to Plato or at least what I learned from Plato is that Ideas had to be real. It was necessary for the ideas to be real because if they weren’t, the world wouldn’t make any moral sense. If there were no ideas, no general concept or norm, then there wouldn’t be an objective essence (what things objectively are) that unites all beings. In turn, without the objective essence of any thing, then the concept of objective truth is indiscernible, if not impossible; because how then can there be an objective truth when what things objectively are is inexistent? Lastly, without an objective truth, then there can be no morality in the world. Without objective truth, there can be no way to judge whether an act is moral or not (relativism).

To illustrate, I’ll take the idea of Wisdom as an example. If the idea of Wisdom wasn’t real, then how would we know that wisdom only comes with age? For all we know, some old man on the street is saying something that could change the world or change our fate and we would just dismiss it for another delusion of another homeless person. Or one drastic measure could be to rid the city of all homeless people – is this a moral decision? We can’t know the truth about the man because we cannot know if the man was really telling the truth or not, because of the inexistence of the idea of Wisdom.

In contrast to Plato’s Theory of Ideas, concrete ideals are also, if not more, essential for a moral world. Concrete ideals, in a nutshell, are embodiments of ideas in the sensible realm. Ordinary individuals, at least those who strive for the good, then have their own “window” to the world of ideas, like Socrates is to Plato. Just as Plato considered Ideas to be the “really real,” concrete ideals are the modern-day version, so-to-speak, of Plato’s Theory of Ideas. Concrete ideals also have to be real in order for the world to make moral sense. We are beings-in-the-world-with-others; thus, we cannot but be with other concrete individuals like ourselves. If there is another world like the World of Ideas, as Plato says, then these concrete ideals are just what they are – windows, mirrors, mere particulars that stem from the World of Ideas. Also, if there were no concrete ideals, no manifestations of the ideas, no embodiments, and then how are we to know what one should be and how one ought to be? The world would make no sense at all if there were no concretized ideals. In other words, concretized ideals have to be real to reinforce the Idea of a Good Person.

Moving Too Fast?

what's happening? i dont know what's happening...or the lack of what's happening. nothing.

a typical YM conversation:
Her: Hey :)
Me: Hi

after X number of minutes....
Me: ano gawa mo? (what're you doing?)
Her: nag-aaral, kaw? (studying, you?)
Me: ah ok.
Her: hey im going na.

and then nothing.

waaahhhh why are things like this? it doesn't feel good. aren't relationships supposed to make me feel like im in cloud 9? in bliss? all that sh*t? but no. i just feel...blah. all my friends tell me that we don't look like we're in a relationship and i dismiss the notion immediately but what they dont know is that everytime they say that, it's a stab to my heart, if i still have one.

while talking to a close friend about the situation who left for the united states already, she suddenly asked me how long i knew her and she, me. i said we knew each other almost a year ago. we were classmates then. and then we both went abroad, to different countries, for 5 or 6 months then came back around january. again, we were classmates until the first half of april. could it be that it was just because everyone was teasing us? could it be that it was just because we were always together then? now, out of my 6 classes, we only have one class together! how great is that? :| we RARELY see each other, and when we do, our conversation ends with Hi and Hello. did we move too fast? i dont know what to think now. i think she feels i'm ignoring her but i feel that she doesn't do much for me either :|

i haven't even been to her house yet. her parents wanna meet me; don't get me wrong, i wanna meet her parents. it's just that i really don't have the time and her home is really really far away (another sh*tty aspect of our wonderful relationship).

anway, i better finish this some other time. i have to study.